Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Blue Dress #2: Spring Has Sprung

Dress: Dorothy Perkins (here)
Cardigan: Anthropologie/Hibai Cardigan
Cami: Herberger's (winner of the Department Store With the Most Hilarious Moniker Award)
Head band: Nordstrom
Shoes: Aldo (here)
Necklace and earrings: DIY

I naively assumed that the Swirling Vortex of Weirdness that has surrounded me for most of my adult life had finally, at long last, dissipated. In my idealism, I assumed that whatever deity I had managed to royally piss off had deigned, in his or her infinite wisdom, to forgive any and all transgressions I had committed. It turns out that The Vortex (yes, capital 'T,' capital 'V') didn't go away. Nope. It was just building up a back log of weirdness to gleefully hurl at me at a moment of its choosing. Apparently, it chose yesterday.

Where to begin... I suppose the best place is with the least bizarre incident. It is very rarely windy here in Seattle. It wasn't unusual, then, that it wasn't windy in the slightest when I stepped outside yesterday morning. It wasn't windy while I walked to the car, or when I got out to walk to the ATM. But, conveniently, there was a single very large burst of wind as I was walking down the sidewalk along a very busy street. And that particular burst of wind was strong enough that it lifted my skirt up around my head. Naturally, I shrieked, "The fuck!?" very shrilly. Which wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't pulled my skirt back down to the wide-eyed stares of an entire preschool troop walking to who knows where with their teachers. 

As a balm for my humiliation, I decided to head to Anthropologie to check out the semi-annual tag sale that started today. There I was, browsing the racks of items, when a woman came up to me and asked me who did my boob job. Um, 'scuse me? I don't even... What?! I toyed around with the idea of shrieking, "They came this way! Lay off!" But instead, I did what I do best: laughed awkwardly, and made an inappropriate joke. My exact response: "Mother Nature is my plastic surgeon. Who's yours?" She rolled her eyes, and looked at me disbelievingly. I'm choosing to take her question as a compliment. If I interpret it the way my brain is fighting to -- as a creepy, inappropriate query -- I run the risk of becoming even more disillusioned with my fellow human beings than I already am. So... compliment it is!

I finally made my way home to two very hyper cats (kitty number three is currently vacationing with her grandparents until we get moved next month). Anyway, Gabe (aka Boy Cat) and Luna (aka Fish) were chasing each other around the house like cats are wont to do. Fish was very naughty, and hopped up on the toilet seat, and before I could make my way to the bathroom to shoo her off, Boy Cat pushed her in. The toilet, that is. Fish fell in the toilet. Thankfully, I had just cleaned it this morning... but still. It's a toilet. Blech. So, I got to give Fish a bath today. Without the full body armor that such a chore typically demands. It was... interesting.

Anyhoodle, I'm hoping I'm all paid up on weirdness for a while. Fingers crossed.

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